life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
