you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
