We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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