So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
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she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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