how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
