fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
