Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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