he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
