I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
