I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
