if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
