Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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