"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize
