...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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