i jhust puked up my retainher.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
These tits shall not be calmed
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
