I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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