If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
