I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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