what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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