I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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