sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
