I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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