I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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