im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
