Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
