OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My life is pants optional.
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