After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
