Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
