i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
