Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My bed is full of blood and feathers
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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