I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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