have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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