and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
