i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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