My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
