You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
