You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
