Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
