i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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