I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
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I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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