I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.