Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.