a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
