When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
