This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This is the high leading the old right now
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
did i just pee glitter
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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