Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
