I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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