just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
