Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
