Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
