Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
