i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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