First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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