I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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