we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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