He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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