I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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