Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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