One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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