You just made me feel so damn special
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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