So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
