My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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