ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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